How to Become a Proverbs 31 Woman: A Comprehensive Look
Discover key habits, characteristics, and what they mean for single and married women seeking God on how to become a Proverbs 31 woman.
One of the goals of every Christian woman is to understand what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman biblically, what the habits and characteristics are, and if you are single, you wonder if or how a single woman can be a Proverbs 31 woman.
As you read this post, know that we are all on this journey together because it is a lifelong journey, and we must encourage each other as we all grow towards becoming Proverbs 31 women.
What Does it Truly Mean to be a Proverbs 31 Woman?
We can agree that in order to become or do something, we must first know and understand the meaning.
We’ve heard about the Proverbs 31 woman to the point that it’s caused some, if not all of us, at some time in our lives, to be intimidated, guilty, angry, disheartened, or even bitter because we feel we can’t meet what appears to be a standard of perfection.
What we really should be viewing this passage as is a guide for how to be a Christian woman who lives in a world that consistently tempts us to be and do everything opposite of the characteristics mentioned in Proverbs 31.
This passage should not be viewed as a list of “do this, do that, and if you don’t, you’re not virtuous”, but it should be viewed as our love letter from our holy, loving, and gracious heavenly Father, who never leaves us without guidance, direction, and protection.
Most importantly, He never leaves us as we are. He gently, by the help and grace of the Holy Spirit in our lives, grows us into the image of His Son Jesus Christ, and that growth is not always easy, or without challenges or growing pains. This keeps us in prayer and total dependence on Him for help.
With that being said, to be a Proverbs 31 woman means to consistently strive to grow in the characteristics and habits of the Proverbs 31 woman.
What is Striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman?
Our striving is through intentional prayer, reading, memorizing, and meditating on the Scriptures to renew our minds, spending time in worship with the Lord, and applying what we’ve learned to our lives and interactions with others.
We see striving shown in the passage, as all of the actions of the Proverbs 31 woman are in the present tense. You read that she does and is doing these things, and when reading what she does, it is not something that someone is naturally inclined to do.
As with anything that exemplifies excellence and diligence, intentional discipline must be cultivated and practiced, and that takes prayer and abiding in Christ (staying close and clinging to Him)!
So, this means each time your body tells you, I don’t want to do this or that (when you know what God says to do), you must pray and ask God to give you the desire to do it, the energy, the proper motives, and the resources and means to do it.
Yes! You can pray for God to change your heart, and to ask Him to help you to love what He loves, to hate what He hates, and to increase your desire to obey. This is striving, and again, a lifelong journey!
Keep reading and as you do, be encouraged and stay encouraged, the Proverbs 31 passage keeps us growing into sacrificial love that demonstrates us growing into the image of Jesus and growing in the knowledge and grace of our Lord Jesus (2 Peter 3:18).
5 Characteristics of a Proverbs 31 Woman
There are so many characteristics that can be drawn from Proverbs 31, but we will look at 5 for now.
When we think of the word characteristics, we should think of qualities or traits that a person has that identify them, their character, and tell us who they are. Characteristics can be good or bad.
God wants us to be women of God with the characteristics of the image of Christ (Romans 8:29; 2 Corinthians 3:18; Ephesians 4:11-15). So, let’s look at some of the qualities of a Proverbs 31 woman.
- God-fearing
Yes, I know that verse 30 is mentioned in the latter part of Proverbs 31, but it’s the most important, and honestly, the motive for the qualities shown in verses 10-31 is because she fears the Lord!
First and foremost, as we are becoming Proverbs 31 women, we must fear the Lord in every respect.
God is holy, and He means what He says, so we must remember that no matter how much He loves us, He must stand by His word, or His character and integrity wouldn’t be absolute, and He wouldn’t be perfect or holy. That is why, whether good or bad, we reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7).
So, how do you fear the Lord so that you can become a Proverbs 31 woman?
Fearing God means we must respect Him and know that He is faithful to His word. We hurt and grieve Him when we choose to sin and reject the truth of His word (stop and think about what it means to grieve).
Rejecting His truth means we are choosing to believe a lie (whatever is opposite to Scripture) and willfully act on that lie (which is to sin).
God loves us, and part of that love is to bless us for obedience, and to discipline us for disobedience.
Yes, Jesus paid for our sins; however, we will reap consequences for sins because God must remain true to His character (holy, faithful, abounding in love, and infinitely more!)
Remember, to fear God is to love God, and to love God is to obey God.
2. Virtuous
Virtue equals value. Verse 10 introduces us to how desirable and valuable she is, because we read the question, “Who can find…”.
This doesn’t mean that a virtuous woman doesn’t exist or can’t exist. It means she will be difficult to find, but when she is found, she is of great value and worth far more than the most precious jewels or stones.
She’s difficult to find because her qualities are rare, most desirable, and not commonly found in the majority (think of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23).
3. Trustworthy
We see in verses 11-12 that her husband safely trusts and has full confidence in her.
This means he knows that in everything, she can be trusted, and he knows that she will do good to him spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially all the days of his life.
She can be trusted, period.
4. Compassionate
I know that I’ve gone from verse 12 to 20, but since we’re looking at 5 characteristics, which are all important, I wanted to make sure we look at her kindness and compassion.
This should be highlighted because of what we’re told in 1 Corinthians 13. We can have faith, hope, and love (charity), but the greatest of these is love.
So, when we see verses 10-31 and we think, “look at all that she does”, well, if she doesn’t have love, it’s nothing, and it would not benefit her because it would just be empty works, with the wrong motives, and no benefit to her growing in Christ and truly being transformed to be the product of her works.
In other words, it’s doing kind and compassionate things without being a kind and compassionate person.
Compassion and kindness have always been and always will be attractive qualities.
5. Wise
Here’s our last characteristic that we will address, but remember, these aren’t all of the characteristics that uncover what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman or how to become a Proverbs 31 woman.
When we read verse 26, we see that she speaks wisdom, and once again her kindness is displayed. So not only does she do acts of compassion and kindness, but it’s also shown by what she says and doesn’t say.
Let’s be honest, this is a tough one! We can say so many things that don’t need to be said, and say so many things that should be said, but in the wrong tone or with the wrong motive or attitude.
It takes wisdom to know when to speak, when not to speak, what to say, and what not to say (Proverbs 25:11).
Thankfully, God knows we need help in this area because He tells us blessings and curses come out of the same mouth and this shouldn’t be the case (James 3:10).
So, our example in verse 26 lets us know what happens when we use wisdom and kindness to discern when and what to speak in general, and as we teach or correct others. This is our great example so that we can pray for help to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19).
See how this makes us always go to God in prayer for the help that we need! We couldn’t do this on our own, nor are we expected to (Hebrews 4:16)!
5 Habits to Become a Proverbs 31 Woman
Let’s talk about habits. Habits are routine things that we do, most of the time without thinking about it, that can help or hinder us.
We’ve heard it said that habits can be built or broken in 30 days. We can use that to our advantage as we look at 5 habits to become a Proverbs 31 woman.
- Devote Yourself to Reading and Studying the Scriptures
Cultivate (grow or encourage) reading and studying the Scriptures. All that we do as Christians relies on our relationship with the Lord.
We can’t grow in our relationship with the Lord unless we know Him, know what pleases Him, and what He says about us, others, and the world around us.
Start today, and make time to spend time daily to read verses, a chapter(s), or a book of the Bible. You can read when God first wakes you up and before He puts you to sleep for the night.
We make time for the things that are important to us.
Pray and ask God to put a strong desire for Him and His word in your heart. He will do it because He loves you deeply and more than anyone else ever could or ever will.
It’s His desire and will for you to love Him with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30).
2. Memorize and Meditate on Scripture
What does it mean to meditate? I’m not referring to new age practices, but to a biblical discipline.
Our minds are constantly thinking, reliving, and rehearsing conversations, experiences, or the anticipation of the unknown.
This type of thinking is what it means to meditate. It’s consistently thinking about something over and over. Meditation can be useful (Philippians 4:8) or harmful (like worrying).
We should use meditation in a biblical manner by thinking on the Scriptures, day and night, to renew our minds to reject unbiblical thoughts and to replace them with the Scriptures, which are the very words of God (Joshua 1:8; Romans 12:2).
As we get into the habit of meditating on Scriptures to renew our minds, we will begin to memorize and learn the Scriptures. This takes an intentional effort and action, and if we pray for help, God will help us to learn His word.
When we meditate and memorize Scriptures, our perception changes to have a biblical worldview. We begin to see, think, do, and behave as God wants because our thoughts align with His word, and our thinking, speaking, and doing follow so that we grow to become Proverbs 31 women.
3. Prayer, Praise, and Worship
Prayer, praise, and worship are essential. Prayer is talking and listening to God.
When we pray, we speak to God using His word so that we pray in His will. Prayer is also when we repent to ask for forgiveness from God, and when we praise and worship God.
Praise and worship to God keep us thankful, grateful, and they shift our attitude to elevate and lift up God to reflect on who He is and all that He does.
When we praise and worship God, we sing and pray to magnify His greatness rather than our circumstances.
Prayer, praise, and worship are habits to become a Proverbs 31 woman, so that you adjust your focus to keep your spiritual eyes on your Heavenly Father.
4. Apply the Word of God
What is knowledge without application? Applying what you read in the Bible is the basis for life application. After all, faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26).
Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman involves living the Word. That means we practice what we read, study, meditate, memorize, and learn. If not, we’re just walking textbooks with very little understanding of what we’ve been reading.
As we apply the word, we can do as the Proverbs 31 woman did. She was mindful of her speech. We saw that she spoke with wisdom and kindness.
We can do the same as we pray, pause, and think before speaking and responding. Also, remember that everything spoken by someone else doesn’t require a response (from you). We, too, can learn to speak wisely and with kindness.
Also, the application of the Word can be shown in our actions. We can pray to ask God to help us respond, when necessary, rather than react on impulse. We see the Proverbs 31 woman on more than one occasion, “considering” things before she takes action.
Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is to learn to be patient with yourself as you apply the Word of God. The Holy Spirit is our Helper. Don’t try this alone. He is waiting, able, and willing to help us!
5. Serve God by Serving Others
Service is to give of your time, gifts, and talents to others for the glory of God.
We see actions of service shown throughout Proverbs 31. From the fitly spoken words of King Lemuel’s mother as she shared her wisdom with her son, and in her description of the sacrificial service and qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman.
When it comes to service to God and others, our ultimate example is Christ. He came to serve rather than to be served (Matthew 20:28; John 13:1-17). As He served others, He knew His service was to God and God would be praised.
Christ’s service did not exalt Himself, but it exalted the Father and pointed others to the Father (John 6:38).
We can learn how to become Proverbs 31 women by not only looking at the Proverbs 31 woman’s qualities, but at Christ’s qualities, because her qualities were Christlike.
Since her qualities were Christlike, we can ask Jesus for His help to be like Him in our service to God and others, so that we will serve with the motive of loving God, as we love others.
Start thinking of ways that you can serve others and give of your time, gifts, and talents, so that God can be glorified in and through you (2 Thessalonians 1:12).
How to Become a Proverbs 31 Woman While Single
Looking at Proverbs 31 may cause single Christian women to wonder if the passage is exclusively for a married woman with children. No, not at all!
Sure, the verses speak of a married woman with children. They also speak of merchant ships, seeking wool and flax, maidservants, and planting vineyards (none of which I am familiar with doing).
The main objective is for the married and unmarried Christian woman to view the qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman, to conform to the image of Christ as a noble woman.
All of the qualities listed are not to be seen as a checklist or to place a list of duties on a wife and mom, or a hopeful single who wants to one day be a wife and mom. These qualities are to be admired for a Christian in general.
This passage was from a mother to her son because, undoubtedly, she saw and knew that her son would be choosing a wife soon. His mother most likely saw that there were so many women living opposite to God’s principles, and this would harm her son, his household, and his future.
By all means, singles are to strive to become Proverbs 31 women! Look at the impact of when you do or the harm when choosing not to.
We’ve looked at what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman, the characteristics and qualities of a Proverbs 31 woman, and how to become a Proverbs 31 woman while single.
For the married and the single Christian, becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is a lifelong journey that never ends.
No matter how many qualities you already have that are the same as the Proverbs 31 woman (and we all have some of these qualities at varying levels), the Lord is always growing us more and more each day into the image of His Son.
Prayer for You
Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you for each woman reading this post. I ask that you continue to soften their hearts to be receptive to the Scriptures so that they desire to love you more and to grow more like Christ every day.
Help each woman know that Proverbs 31 mentions some qualities that we already have and are growing to have more of each day as we spend time with you and intentionally apply them to our lives.
For the qualities that may be less than others or seem non-existent, help each woman of God to be patient with themselves and use this passage as an encouraging journey to grow more like Christ to serve you and others.
Whether single or married, help us all remember that, with prayer, the help of the Holy Spirit, studying Your Word, and by Your grace, we truly are growing to be Proverbs 31 women every day. Amen.