What Does it Mean to Be a Proverbs 31 Woman? What the Bible Really Says
Have you read and heard multiple views about the Proverbs 31 woman?
If you have, you may have experienced initial excitement, then confusion or an intense pressure to be perfect, and subsequently wonder or ask yourself, “What does it mean to be a Proverbs 31 woman, and what does the Bible really say about it?”
In this post, we’ll look at the passage to find what the Bible really says, so that you can continue to grow as a Proverbs 31 woman.
What does the Bible Really Say About What it Means to Be a Proverbs 31 woman?
Proverbs 31 was a proverb spoken from a mother to a son.
In addition to King Lemuel’s mother wanting her son to reign wisely and to use his kingship to advocate for the poor and needy, she wanted him to have a true helpmate as his wife.
She continued on to explain the qualities and characteristics of a Proverbs 31 woman.
The explanation was to guide her son in knowing what qualities to identify in a woman that would reveal her true character.
The Proverbs 31 passage also beautifully describes a woman whose life was submitted and devoted to the Lord, which was demonstrated in her love for God, her household, others, and her continued pursuit of the Lord, which led to her care for herself spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially.
What Does it Mean to Be a Proverbs 31 Woman? The God-fearing Woman
Fearing the Lord is at the heart of our relationship with Him and is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10).
To fear the Lord is to recognize, acknowledge, honor, and respect who He is. This fear knows that He is holy, righteous, and just (gives justice according to His word).
When a woman fears the Lord, she loves the Lord, and considers and acknowledges Him and His presence in her life and the world around her.
When she truly acknowledges the Lord, she knows that He knows her every thought, motive, deed, and action. As she acknowledges His presence, her love and gratitude for Him grow and flourish as she yields to His wisdom, guidance, and protection in her life.
As a result, she longs to spend time with her heavenly Father, because she knows He is the one true God of heaven and earth, and it is only He that she ultimately desires to please.
Her fear of the Lord is an acknowledgement that He is God and she isn’t. He is all-powerful and she isn’t. He is all-knowing and she isn’t. He is ever-present, and she isn’t. He is in control of all things, and she isn’t.
In essence, she reveres, honors, and respects her Creator; therefore, her life reflects her fear of the Lord.
Without fear of the Lord, there is no relationship with the Lord.
What Does it Mean to Be a Proverbs 31 Woman? The Helpmate
Proverbs 31’s message centers around her love for God and others.
There are passages that show the Proverbs 31 woman’s role as a helpmate. To be a helpmate is to be a helper, particularly a helper to her husband (Genesis 2:18).
King Lemuel’s mother knew the power of influence that her son’s wife would have, as he would now be joined to his wife (Genesis 2:24).
His wife could “help” in building him up or tearing him down. If King Lemuel’s wife did not have the virtues and characteristics of a Proverbs 31 woman, she had the potential to destroy him and their household.
Finding a Proverbs 31 woman was not an option; King Lemuel needed to find and marry a woman with the same genuine characteristics and virtues for the sake of his well-being and future offspring if they were to have children and a godly household.
Why Proverbs 31 is About More Than Perfection
The Proverbs 31 woman looks like the perfect woman, and to aspire to be like her seems like it would be an unrealistic goal of perfection.
But as we look closer, what if Proverbs 31 is about more than perfection?
What if the passage isn’t about a list of rules, but about something far greater and more valuable?
Let’s take a look further to see what the Bible really says about what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman.
What are the requirements of a Proverbs 31 woman?
According to the Bible, what it really means to be a Proverbs 31 woman is to have a certain required virtue that reveals the nature of the woman.
Instead of requirements, it is truly one requirement on which all others derive.
The requirement of a Proverbs 31 woman is to be God-fearing, and with that comes wisdom, compassion, strength, and many other Christlike characteristics that are seen in the passage.
How to be like the Proverbs 31 woman
Many women read about all of the things the Proverbs 31 woman does in the 21 verses of the passage and ask, “Is the Proverbs 31 woman real?” or “How can I be like the Proverbs 31 woman?”
First, we must remember that King Lemuel’s mother was describing what a God-fearing, God-loving, and God-honoring woman would be like. So, in that regard, yes, she is real.
When we read about the Proverbs 31 woman, we see Christlikeness. Being Christlike is conforming to the image of Christ and being transformed by the renewing of our minds.
The Proverbs 31 woman’s virtues describe qualities for children of God in general.
To be like a Proverbs 31 woman is to be a doer of the Word and not a hearer only (James 1:22-25).
Whether you are single or married, you can be like the Proverbs 31 woman by fearing the Lord, growing in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus, loving God and others, and sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with your words and deeds.
How to live like a Proverbs 31 woman
Living like a Proverbs 31 woman is to love God, love others, and serve God, serve others.
You can only genuinely and consistently live like a Proverbs 31 woman unless you are being a Proverbs 31 woman.
Your very being will drive how you live.
How you live, meaning your choices to consistently love and serve God and others, reveals your very being.
A woman has many responsibilities, and we see that in Proverbs 31.
King Lemuel’s mother shows us that even with adult children, love and care for them will forever be a privileged responsibility of a biological mother and a spiritual mother (those who may or may not have children, but have spiritual children they disciple).
You can draw your spiritual and physical strength and resilience from the Lord by making time to spend time in prayer, Bible reading, Bible study, and praise and worship for renewal.
Wisdom to make wise choices in the midst of so many daily choices also comes from seeking God’s direction and guidance, and will reflect your decision to be and live like a Proverbs 31 woman.
Choosing to live like a Proverbs 31 woman is to actively pursue God daily. When you actively pursue God, your being and living will change.
You will no longer live for yourself, but you will live for Him with His help and guidance (2 Corinthians 5:14-15).
What does a Proverbs 31 woman look like?
It’s tempting to read Proverbs 31 and think, this was for women back when…and you may question, “What does a Proverbs 31 woman look like today?”
Today, a Proverbs 31 woman looks the same as she did then, because the fruit of the Spirit doesn’t change or go away because time changes (Galatians 5:22-23; Hebrews 13:8).
God doesn’t change, and neither does His word (Malachi 3:6; Matthew 24:35; Mark 13:31; Luke 21:33).
A Proverbs 31 woman will look like a woman who is Christ-centered and builds up and invests in her inner beauty, that is, her heart.
She will cultivate inner qualities of the fruit of the Spirit, which will supersede outward beauty. Although she knows physical beauty is important, she knows that if inner beauty is lacking, the outer beauty will be overlooked and seen as superficial.
Fruitfulness, diligence, and productivity also give us a glimpse of what the Proverbs 31 woman looks like.
She will persistently, with resilience and fortitude, make it her ambition to wholeheartedly seek after God and please the Lord because she knows without Him all is futile (Philippians 3:8).
As I mentioned, the physical appearance of a Proverbs 31 woman matters because we are children of God, but our true value is in our inner qualities. We should give attention to both, but one desires far greater attention than the other (Proverbs 31:30; 1 Peter 3:3-4).
What type of man does a Proverbs 31 woman need?
It can appear that all of the focus is on how a woman should be or what a woman should do, and that not much or none of the focus is on the man.
You might think the man is getting a good thing (Proverbs 18:22), but is she?
Well, good question, but remember, this particular passage is a mother talking to her son about how to choose a wife.
Other passages in Proverbs also mention the types of women to avoid (Proverbs 9:13-18), and it doesn’t mean that men should not be God-fearing or prepare to be leaders in their homes.
Men are to seek and pursue God and wisdom (Proverbs 1:20-33; 8:1-36).
If a woman is to marry, the type of man the Proverbs 31 woman needs is a man described in Ephesians 5.
He, without question, must be saved, walking and thriving in His relationship with God.
Even after meeting a man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14; Acts 13:22), regardless of her husband, she is responsible for her actions before God, and God will discipline each accordingly.
This means the woman has no excuse not to be a Proverbs 31 woman based on others.
She should, before deciding who she will marry, think about Ephesians 5, and also the implications King Lemuel’s mother made when she addressed her soon about the type of woman to marry.
Women should be equally, if not more, cautious and wise, because of Ephesians 5:22-33.
How to pray to become a Proverbs 31 woman
When taking it all in, Proverbs 31 may seem daunting or overwhelming, if and a big if, you think that you are to follow a checklist of do’s and don’ts.
You are to look beyond the pressures and false expectations you place on yourself for perfectionism when reading Proverbs 31. This was not the intent.
This passage helps women, single and married, to cultivate Christlike, spiritually attractive qualities that will help us to store up treasures in heaven (Matthew 6:19-21).
So, after reading what the Bible really says about what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman, you may wonder how to pray to become a Proverbs 31 woman.
You can pray to love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself (Luke 10:27).
Praying Luke 10:27 will align you with your heavenly Father’s will for your life.
Pray about everything, acknowledge Him in all things. That means even asking Him to teach you what and how to pray to become a Proverbs 31 woman daily.
A Prayer For You
Father, we thank you for your word because it is the absolute truth. We can always rely and trust in You because You are steadfast, loving, holy, and true.
I pray for my sisters reading this post. Give them the desire to seek you wholeheartedly, regardless of their current or future marital status.
Help us all, as your daughters, to love You for You. Not what we expect or desire to receive, but just for who You are.
Thank you for growing us into the women that You desire us to be.
You have individual plans and paths for our lives, which all lead to loving You more and living for You.
Help us not to compare ourselves with others (2 Corinthians 10:12-16); this also means with the perception of the Proverbs 31 woman, for this was not your intent.
We are to be stirred up to good works and consider it as a sharpening tool so that we won’t fall into the temptation to be and live contrary to Your word (Proverbs 27:17; 2 Timothy 1:6-7; Hebrews 10:24).
Lastly, Father, help us not to be people pleasers, but to make it our ambition to live to please You (Galatians 1:10; 2 Corinthians 5:9).
We know that You hear us when we pray, and that we have what we ask for when we pray in accordance with Your will (1 John 5:14-15).
Thank you for your love (1 John 4:19).
In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.
